Embrace

“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him." Luke 15:20 

I was late and filthy. I didn't have time to clean up, so I just came as I was. I spent the previous hours serving at the local church. I was exhausted. I contemplated resting at home or restoring in worship. I obviously chose to rise and restore. I slipped into the top, back row of the theater. The place was packed with fellow seekers of restoration...or whatever else may have drawn them to this space. 

I had heard that you were in the area, but I didn't know you were in the room until someone announced your name. Can't assume, but can always anticipate. Amidst the crowds, there you were. Blending in, eye to eye - which is always your preference. I was far removed and couldn't see your face. Wondering if again, we may meet eye to eye, voice to voice. But the gap was wide and I wasn't exactly presentable. The service ended and the gap widened. It wasn't about celebrity, it was about connection. Something said a moment was waiting; but all things seemed to move otherwise. So, I wait a few moments before being ushered out - contemplating the words of faith and communion that had just thundered into my heart and mind. These weren't merely words of inspiration; these were proclamations to something more than a few minutes of rousing emotions. Besides, I was still exhausted and needed to rest and selah before walking again. 

I wandered outside. Always a shock to re-enter the space of sacred back to the ordinary.  At the exact moment that I left the building for home, I caught sight of a detour in my path that had me turn left. "I'll just wander here until the path is clear." Then again, I was drawn by the sight ahead of me: a fellow servant standing next to a white SUV. I wandered over to chat a bit. Turns out, he was waiting for you. Again, I had stumbled onto your path.

As you emerged with your entourage, your eyes lifted to meet mine. I forgot my filth as you came right to me and exclaimed, "So good to see you!" Then, as you always do, you wrapped me up in beautiful embrace without reservation. As if, the embrace was as much for you as it was for me. You left the scent of sacred in exchange for my stench. And from that moment, I am inspired to go and do the same. For you, just being you, calmed a chaos you could not have known. In genuine joy, you chose me. 

We didn't meet in the service, but we met in the streets. Had I chosen my to be defined by filth, I would have missed my cleansing. I would have missed a moment mapped out just for me. Quiet, wait, then walk. A greater moment is just around the corner. 

Thank you for being in the moment. For calling me by name, to remind that a face is not forgotten. You left an impression of Jesus love, which all you ever, ever desire to do. You are a joy and a humble servant of both platform and park bench. Thank you, for being the channel of Living Water that flowed of His love and grace. The Creator, Saviour, Lover, and Gift of Christ - walked us both to that path to encounter Him. Conduit and child, interchangeable. Always was, is and will be Him.  The ordinary holds the Holy. If we would only seek the unseen, trust the timing, joy in the wait and walk in faith. The moments are mere reminders of the Embrace of Emmanuel. 

Clean

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. John 13:14

I recently purchased and moved into a townhome. Once I was moved and settled, I immediately noticed an issue. A fixable but important issue. The walls were completely covered in dirt and dust. Before my allergies settled in with me, I needed to clean as soon as possible before I got sick. Vaulted ceilings didn’t make this an easy task, but I washed the white walls, stroke by stroke. Along the way, lessons came with each wringing of filthy water from the cloth.

Sometimes, I willingly inherit the filth of other people’s choices. In this case, the transfer of a home. In life’s case: relationships. I have a choice: I can do nothing and settle in to the filth and justify. “It’s just part of the space. I don’t have time. Grey is in; I can live with this.” Their neglect becomes my neglect and I end up getting sick – calling it “part of life.” Or, I can move myself choose to clean what I can. My choice is to live healthier in my own dwelling. I am not responsible for other people’s homes or hearts, but I am responsible for the washing of my own.

Often we have no idea how filthy something is until we clean. But when we start to wash away the filth, the beautiful white comes through. We also have no idea the flaws that need to be fixed until we clean. If we just cover them in filth, they are never healed – only infected. But when we clean and repair – what greater living emerges!

One washing isn’t enough. The first stroke was to loosen the filth. The second was to wipe it away with a clean cloth. Rinse, repeat. Line by line, wall by wall. Then, maintain so not to gather dust again. I can’t stop the filth from settling, but I can choose to keep clean. For a home, one can hire a housekeeper. But for the heart, only I can wash away. I can have friends and loves help, but ultimately, I have to move the water and cloth myself. If not, neglect settles with the dust and I’m like the one before me: dwelling in the grey of my own heart, which is always with me as my ultimate dwelling.

Cleaning isn’t expensive. It only cost time – which is more costly than money to most. Again, someone can be hired – which can become expensive. But if my choices prioritize my health and my heart over all else, I will find life to be less expensive in repair and more rich in living. Priorities determine the life.

I also moved from one dwelling to another. How did I leave my last home for the next occupants? Granted, I wasn’t Merry Maids either, so I’m not one to judge. But, I did have the help of others to objectively examine and see what I needed to clean to present well. This spoke to how I affect other people. How I choose to live may become so normalized to me, that I forget how I affect others around me just by sharing space – for a short or extended time. How do I leave those moments as legacies? Not legalistically perfect – sometimes life is messy for all of us. But did I leave with my choice to wash proverbial feet with a smile, a thank you, a word, a light? It flows from the heart – washed or wounded.

I also learned this great truth: Mr. Clean’s Magic Eraser is one of the greatest things ever made. J

I am Clean. Click to hear Clean 

Father

...He asked. “Who do you say I am?” Matthew 15:16

I saw an interview recently of the actor who portrays Mufasa in Broadway’s The Lion King. Regarding getting into character, the actor said in essence: “At first, I looked to emulate James Earl Jones (the actor who voiced Mufasa in original Disney animation). But over time, I began to see who Mufasa really was – a father, above all. When I realized this is when he really began to come alive.” From those few words, I began to think of all of the ways we see God and who God is. He is so many different relationships to us – two being our King and our Father. His only Son, even said our “Dad.”

There are so many parallels in the story of the Lion King. The celebrated birth. Facing the Enemy. The enemy’s lies bring shame and banishment (to us) from the Paradise we were rightfully born into. Believing those lies costing us our freedom as Kingdom heirs – which was never lost, we only ran from our true home. Suffering from bondage to the enemy. Ignoring the Father's words of warning to stay out of the shadows and nearly meeting death from our pride. Only for the Father to watch over and rescue. The son’s need for and delight in friendship. Ultimate love as the motivation to return to face death and overcome the enemy’s bondage over all creatures. All for freedom – not his own, but those he fought to redeem. All turning, when he heard the Father from within to move according to his destiny and identity. “Remember who you are” is an echo for us all.

The true catalyst for the son was his love for his father. As the young lion king is reminded, “he lives in you.” So it is with the true and always Father to His children, but above all, to His only Son. Because they are One, just as we are one, in the spirit of Holy, our identity is transformed when He moves in. How quickly we forget, Who He is and who we are as His. When we begin to see who He REALLY is - Elohim as Abba – over time as He transforms us to His image in the water’s reflection - that’s when things begin to come alive.

So much of the Story – both in His Script and in our experiences – all come back to our realization of Him as Dad. He doesn’t become Dad over time – He always has, is, and will be. Our realization of Him is what changes everything: when He becomes “alive” in our stories and how we live our stories as His kids and heirs. There is a lifetime to experience Him as Dad – however clouded the lenses of life may be. But He is. And only He can meet us by the river’s edge and reveal Himself in us. Then everything changes. The wars are seen as already won. The blood spilled was for our freedom, joy, union and love with Him. And above all, we walk with Him. Immanuel Abba. Lion of Judah, Lamb of God. Dad. A father, above all.

Ashes

“He feeds on ashes; a deceived heart has turned him aside. And he cannot deliver himself, nor say, “Is there not a lie in my right hand?” Isaiah 44:20

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. " 2 Corinthians 4:18

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Proverbs 4:23

There are millions of different human life experiences and life connections. And hundreds of souvenirs we collect along the way. Yet as I watch people move in experiences, or lack thereof, I wonder, however, how the connections and isolation alike, seep into the heart foundation.What becomes our constant source of knowing our worth, or our constant addiction to feel anything at all? This isn’t a question of introvert, extrovert, community or hoarding things to give us a sense of living. This is a question of making any of these our sole source of worth, value, or even joy. This isn't about personality and approaches to life; this is about the wellspring of life. 

So…what happens when the happy moments slip through the fingers like ashes? What happens in pure loss of all that we find value? Hold on tight - may be another loss upon loss. What’s left with any loss? Job loss, spouse loss, relationship loss, kids loss – all of these losses that are common to life and no one is immune. There are the memories and mementos to sustain. Does it work? Does it eradicate the sadness? How’s the foundation of knowing love, acceptance, and joy holding up when loss takes away the connections and addictions of introductions to happiness? It’s not a question of how to grieve, it’s a question of how to truly live in the moment so the heart can retain, but not rely, on all - happy and not - that we soak in. We all want joy and a painless life (which doesn't exist). What does exist is freedom, which far beyond feeling. It's not always happy, but it is freeing.

For relationships, the true heart foundations of connections are essential and bring joy. But connections themselves are not the source of joy. There is not only the seen. There is not only the felt. There is not only the spoken. There are all of these beautiful gifts of connections in life, but they are not the only places of happiness. This is spoken from a recovering co-dependent who spent decades in the “safety” and “joy” of co-dependent relationships. What perfect while in that wonderful shell. Reaching past the seen, into the internal unseen, illuminates the seen life to be lived in all of its glorious fullness of freedom. In other words, all of the seen, all of the spoken, all of the felt is forever drawn from the well of the unseen heart. The heart is the foundation of the house of life – not the other way around. 

This is so much more true today than ever before. In a world that can’t stand silence. In a world relentlessly capitalizing and marketing on pure emotions: love, happiness, even anger. How can we ever hope to treat cancer with a bandage? A bandage doesn’t ultimately heal and internal unseen disease that destroys from within, it covers. Out of sight, out of mind, and on to addictive chasing after “good feelings” or hoping our rage subsides when lashed out onto others. Many have tried internal pain management – and not just addictive substances, lest one start elevating themselves as better people. Pain management may be with more interest in someone else healing (again, horizontal) rather than our own lifelong and often painful journey of heart healing. Surmising that if only our lives were better, we'd be happier. More money. Kids to behave. Spouse to understand. Even church to give us inspiring step by step instructions to self-help with scripture back up. Meanwhile, the wound stays in the dark and we try to behave better so we are more acceptable and maybe, happier. There is no “heal thyself”. We can’t help ourselves; we just can’t. We can makes better decisions and wiser life choices, for sure and absolutely, please do!  But those are results of freedom, not sources of freedom. The greatest help on the heart can only come from Freedom who reaches the heart. We cannot do our own heart surgery. It’s impossible. But we can call a Surgeon. And we have to be willing to be operated on. Not a church. Not a pastor. They aren’t heart surgeons either; none of them. They are Physician’s Assistants, most likely needing surgery themselves, but not Surgeons. 

It’s never about having money, marriage, intelligence, or anything else. It’s about choice. Choice to let go of trying to fill a bottomless well just to escape, to stay still and let Him operate. What do we have to lose? Lies? Bondage? Control? It’s not about better, it’s about free. It’s not selfish, it’s breathing. To open the heart and heal. See the ash - put down the spoon. Always. Idols are real, deceptive, and death under the cover of ultimate living. This isn’t a call to be better. This look in your right hand and ask for a key to be free. All fades into ash. Even ourselves. What remains to blow in the wind is living free to love.

Distraction

"When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it." - Genesis 3:6

"...but few things are needed--or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:42

Distractions are my decisions. Distractions are my directions. Distractions are my destruction.

Humanity’s very break in relationship with Love was born from falling for a distraction. Today, in this moment, is the very same break. This isn’t a revelation from a resolution to rid life of “all distractions.” The distractions themselves aren’t an “evil to be vanquished.” 1. It’s impossible to rid my life of them unless I join a Convent (event then, thoughts are the most resounding distractions of all) 2. The problem isn’t the distraction, it’s my response. For example, I love entertainment whose sole purpose is to temporarily distract from reality – be it movies, music, sports, etc. But when fiction becomes my idol, then addiction becomes my reality. Or when I value what anyone, of entertainment or otherwise, says over what God says, then I'm distracted into idolatry. Again, the garden. Always looking to what fills my desire -temporary to eternity.

YHWH created the tree and the fruit. Knowing the decision of His children and all of the consequences to follow, He could have not created the tree all together and saved us all, especially Himself, the suffering, loss, and unspeakable evil that we now endure. Even with Noah, He lamented not the tree, but creating man whom He passionately loved. But He didn’t remove the tree; He didn’t force obedience. From them and then, to me and now, He creates us to “choose the better.”

For me, distractions are points of habitual re-focusing. Decisions develop into habitual idolatry. They rob me of moments. Staring at molehills while missing majestic mountains. Staring at my phone while missing a person’s presence (this is personal, greatest distraction). Moments that rob me, rob me of you, and rob my relationship with God - the very foundation of all that is and all that I am to begin with. Not my love; my relationship. My choice and my loss. I know the consequence, yet I choose poorly.

It’s an altering in heart’s desires long before it’s choice of button pressing. Consistently and consciously. It’s not even a disobedience or condemnation; it’s a desire and a choice. Just like the Garden. The base of my motives and moving actions is this in the year of new: I don’t resolve to behave better. I resolve to choose the better. I resolve to choose Love.

Restoration

He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." Revelation 21:5

A sunny Saturday afternoon was perfect for a simple home project. The project was to take no more than an hour. Materials gathered, I studied the steps. The plan was to change out a fill valve in the upstairs bathroom – a simple plumbing procedure. About ½ way through the steps of shutting off the valve and disconnecting the line, the water gushed from the wall uncontrollably. Turns out, the plumbing was poorly designed.  To make matters much worse, the shut off valve to the entire home was missing. Water rained from the second floor to the first for over an hour as I helplessly waited for my rescue. Finally, the professional arrived to valve off the river and make repairs. But the damage was done. 

In just a moment, a literal tsunami poured in. Immediately I had to contact a host of vendors to begin restoration to my home: the plumber, the electrician, the restoration company, a handyman. At the same time, I had to find temporary housing, as did my tenant, for a few days while the restoration took place. By the end of a few weeks and nightmare restoration process, I shelled out thousands of dollars to restore my residence. By discipline and miracle, all of the funds were available in savings, but still a steep sting and setback.

I replayed the events over and over in frustration, but never guilt. My mistake wasn’t in procedure, it was in pride. My mistake wasn’t in my capability, it was in ignoring my vulnerability. A professional would have seen the flaws in the design and prevented disaster – had I simply called. So much of my other life events are wrapped in the same choices – some end in disaster, some are a slower burn. My mistake is self-sufficiency: I am capable, but I’m not the professional. Should I call the one who calls the shots, as the Life Creator and All Knowing and Wise One – I am in a much greater position to have Him reveal flaws in my design before I make decisions that lead to disaster. I can’t stop the storm, but I can keep calm in the calamity. Help may not always be immediate or ideal, but recovery is on the way when the calls are made. Recovery may be an extremely traumatic and painful process, but the end result is worth the sacrifice. The alternative to live in the rubble of poor decisions is much, much worse. Yet, how many of us choose rubble over restoration...

All kinds of storms wreck our lives. Relational, financial, emotional, mental, physical, spiritual – certainly every one of these hurricanes has hit me again and again. Life is never intended to be free of storms- to pursue such perfection is another devastating disappointment on top of an already flawed life. Life is never only storms and never only sunshine.  We are a mix of eternity and experience. Eternity of the heart and experience of the Earth. In the shifting sands of life, the heart remains where we anchor our soul.

Restoration comes from destruction. Resurrection from crucifixion. It is moving from old to new, death to life, ashes to beauty. It is both costly and rewarding. Repairing is binding the broken. Restoring is bringing the beauty. Life’s journey is continually on a quest for daily restoration – however that may be – for it’s in our deepest desires to live in the fullness of life. The Ultimate restoration, however, is of the heart and our Home. Yeshua is always new and covers us in new – mercies new each morning and eternity of New: Relationship with Him Restored through His Blood Sacrifice. Now and Always.

Redemption

For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10

Ten years ago, an artist simply named Banksy painted a simple painting named “Girl with the Red Balloon.” A black and white silhouette of a young girl releasing a red, heart shaped balloon. The artist also personally hand crafted the frame for his masterpiece. Fast forward to a few weeks ago when that very painting was auctioned off for a staggering $1.2 million dollars at a Southeby’s auction. What happened next, the moment the gavel dropped and the sale sealed, moved from painting to phenomenon.

Suddenly, the frame itself began to shred this million dollar canvas! To say the buyer, who remains unnamed to this day, was stunned is a gross understatement! Millions of dollars spent and shredded right before your eyes. The painting was only ½ destroyed when the shredder jammed and stopped. Later, the artist would call it a failure, as it was supposed to shred the entire painting – just as he had rehearsed ten years earlier. But the story doesn’t end in loss and destruction. The story moves to rebirth and redemption. 

The artist, renamed the piece from “Girl with a Red Balloon” to “Love is in the Bin.” Once renamed, everything changed. “Banksy didn't destroy an artwork in the auction, he created one," Alex Branczik, Sotheby's Head of Contemporary Art, Europe, said in a statement, calling it "the first artwork in history to have been created live during an auction." The painting remains exactly the same as when the gavel fell. Visually, appearing destroyed and devalued. But, once the creator changed the name, the value rose when the perception shifted. The artist knew from the moment he created the masterpiece, that its destruction would come. Given the artist’s response, I believe he also knew of its redemption. Not elevated value in it's re-creation or reconstruction of image, but it's new creation by name. Reconstruction can come, but value is inherent by the Artist alone.

Banksy had years to think of a name, which I’m sure, was not chosen lightly. From “Girl…Balloon” to “Love…Bin” So many who release their hearts to risk relationship determine “love is in the bin” – or their heart is trashed – because someone else shredded them. Their perspective of their status blinds them from seeing that though they are given labels based on their statuses, their actual value is elevating, not descending. It may look like a landfill, but it’s actually recycling and re-purposing to a greater value!

We are created, with full knowledge by the Creator that destruction will come to our lives because our frames come with flaws. Unlike the painter, our shredders are planted by our first parents. No one is exempt, no matter what their image portrays. Each one has a heart and will know destruction to some degree. Only the Creator can give a new name. The creation cannot name itself, though it may desperately desire to. Only the Creator can bring redemption, even if the image still looks like destruction. Our redemption came with the release of our heart, a soul purchased, a shredded canvas of the artist himself, and the new name. What initially appears to be destroyed is actually a creation phenomenon.

The Artist took the greatest risk in creating a masterpiece that he knew the frame would destroy. His risk isn’t in the destruction, it’s in the acceptance of His planned redemption. The ultimate Artist of All, Elohim, risk was not in the creation of earth or humans. His risk is that his beloved heart released into this little girl would accept her new name. Know her name, know her identity, know her value – regardless of what the world sees, labels, or values. He knows her choice and her destiny while He sculpts her to heart releasing to the wind. He knows that all have been offered a new name and new life, and few will accept. He draws each one, in intimacy and with a heart, as self-portraits. Let Us Create man in Our Image.